Tuesday, November 30, 2010

In 2011, Every Celeb Gets Into Heaven

That's right, folks. After two months of toilsome drawing and arduous internet research, the 2011 Free Lauren Marsella Annual Celebrity Death Calendar is complete. Thank God. I've been dealing with creation constipation for weeks, and it was gittin' pretty dang uncomfortable up in this bitch. But finally my golden egg has been laid, and not to toot my own horn, but it's a BEAUT, Clark! If you are not familiar with the Annual FLM Celebrity Death Calendar, the concept is quite simple and most titillating: each month features a notable figure who died in that month the previous year. This year's version features numerous upgrades, including:

  • Not one, but TWO dead celebs each month
  • Cause of death noted
  • New holidays, moon phases & daylight savings time added
  • Calendar dimensions expanded to 8.5" x 5.5" (from last year's 4.25" x 5.5") in order to accommodate the additional deceased
  • Available in five beautiful hues
  • Preface page detailing the calendar's back story
  • "About" section aka an Up Close & Personal with yours truly
I'm sure, you're all dying for a sneak peak, so without further ado....

Yes, Boner from "Growing Pains" is dead. *tear*
March 2011: Corey Haim & Peter Graves, together at rest

The Traditional November Hall of Fame Month aka the dead celeb leftovers I couldn't squeeze into the other months but still deserve mentioning
To see the rest, ya gots to buy it. Last year I printed 150. This year I'm gettin' exclusive. Currently, there are 10 left of the first edition of 25. To order, simply e-mail me at freelaurenmarsella@gmail.com. I thought about posting them on Etsy, but you know what? Etsy didn't help me make this. I helped me make this. Now help me make money off this. Strippin' is gettin' old, though I ain't gettin' too old for strippin'.

Oh, and speaking of dead celebrities, I'm sure you've all heard via text message from your pals (as I did) that our beloved Leslie Nielsen has passed, RIP. Or perhaps you found out from the periodic "Airplane" and "Police Squad" sound bytes broadcasted on NPR for the past couple days. You know, I used to listen to NPR a lot, and thought it reasonable to consider them a respectable source of news.  But lately, NPR is like the obnoxious nerdlet guy who name drops whatever he thinks is currently hip into daily conversation, just so that people are aware that they know about said hip thing, and who then proceeds to draw some super obvious conclusion about whatever the subject at hand may be. Case in point: their uber retarded analysis of the new Michael Jackson album cover
Oh, "Airplane" is a comedy classic? Gee, NPR, I had no idea. The "Naked Gun" movies are classics too?!?!? WE KNOW. Allow me to let you in on a little somethin-somethin NPR won't tell you because they're too stupid to recognize this. Five Words-Dracula: Dead and Loving It. 
HIL-AR-I-OUS. And if you don't believe me, go to to Youtube and read the viewer comments. If anyone knows what they're talking about as far as pop culture, it's Youtube users (not you, NPR).

Youtube user "Jackfrostrulez"  has a very poignant response to this particular clip: 
"love this movie check everyday to see if its on u know wat ill check right now"
I couldn't have said it better myself. Try and come up with commentary like that, NPR.

Ahaha, that's a good one. Poor Marla Hooch. Or as "A7Xpwnz413" remarks:
"darthmamdouh" has this insight to add:
"Hey that's Broomhilde and Maid Marian from "Robin Hood : Men in Tights" !!! Damn I had the hots for Maid Marian as a teenager... :-P"

What a touching sentiment in "Nickux17"'s comment:
"He's not really dead, we're just having a collective daymare!"
I second that emotion. 
RIP Leslie Nielsen 1926-2010.